Confidence & People Pleasing

“You have been criticising yourself for years, and it hasn’t worked. Try approving of yourself and see what happens.”

— Louise L. Hay

 

Tired of putting everyone else first?

Maybe you've spent years managing other people's emotions while your own needs got buried. You say yes when you mean no. You overthink every text message. You can read the room perfectly but struggle to speak up for yourself. You're exhausted from all the emotional labor nobody else seems to notice.

Here's the thing – being empathetic and considerate is beautiful. But somewhere along the way, you learned that your needs don't matter as much as everyone else's. And that's just not true.

What we'll work on together

Building genuine confidence from within

Real confidence isn't about becoming louder or more aggressive. It's about knowing your worth and honoring it. It's caring more about your own opinion of yourself than everyone else's opinions of you.

Together, we'll:

  • Unpack where the self-doubt actually comes from (usually old messages from your past that aren't even true)

  • Tackle that harsh inner critic that tells you you're not good enough

  • Learn to let helpful thoughts in and keep unhelpful thoughts out

  • Build a more balanced, compassionate view of yourself – flaws and all

Setting boundaries that actually stick

Adults have boundaries. The people you most admire and respect? They have boundaries. And you can too.

Boundaries aren't selfish – they're essential. Think of them like a fence around your property: keeping in what you want, keeping out what you don't want. They help you communicate when something is or isn't okay with you.

You'll learn to:

  • Say no without guilt or over-explaining

  • Speak your truth even when it's uncomfortable

  • Stand up for what you believe in

  • Protect your energy and time

  • Be friendly but firm (not aggressive, just clear)

Boundaries sound like:

  • "This is what I need..." (You don't always need to explain why)

  • "I thought about what you said earlier, and it's not okay"

  • "I understand you're angry, but please don't speak to me that way"

  • "I won't be able to make it tonight. Have a great time!"

Stopping the exhausting cycle

If you're empathetic, you probably learned early on to prioritize other people's needs ahead of your own. For a multitude of reasons – family dynamics, past relationships, cultural messages – you've been subconsciously trained to keep the peace at your own expense.

Your needs matter too. Putting your needs first isn't selfish – it simply means you're valuing yourself as the human being you are. Remember the airplane oxygen mask rule? You put yours on first, then you help others.

Don't set yourself on fire to keep others warm

What this actually looks like

We'll dig into the root of your people-pleasing patterns – the lived experiences, the meanings you've attached to them, the messages you received (and maybe misinterpreted) about who you should be.

You'll learn new ways of relating to yourself. We'll focus on your inner strengths, values, and beliefs to rebuild your mindset and rewire your brain for confidence and clarity.

The goal? To show up as your most authentic self – knowing your worth, speaking your truth, and setting boundaries that energize and protect you. Not perfect. Just real.

There's only one you in this world. Why not be the most authentic version of yourself you can be?

 

Ready to start?

If you're 18-50 and this resonates, reach out. Real change begins with connection. Send me a brief email about what brings you to counselling and what you hope to get out of it. I'm usually back in touch within one business day.

Email: ben@chatwithben.co.nz

Location: 50B Campbell Road, Mount Maunganui or online.

“Reaching out was the hardest part. Everything after that was easier than expected.”
– Chris, 38